i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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