Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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