life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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