Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is my gift to your gina
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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