you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
