I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
