There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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