whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
