I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
