Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize