she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
