yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
