Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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