I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
