haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
