carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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