That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
