well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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