Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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