Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
