I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just googled if crying burns calories
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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