You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
