I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had to cum in my sink.
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