ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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