oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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