my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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