Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
