I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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