soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
