Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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