wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
