Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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