The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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