Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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