Soap is not a condiment
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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