i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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