he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
