In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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