Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
