i think i have two assholes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this just has baby written all over it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
