also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
