i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
