I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
