Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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