My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
