She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
