I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
