I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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