I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
