Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
