I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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