I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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