So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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