A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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