When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
