we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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