I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
