Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.