At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail