i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's rum buckets o'clock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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