I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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