My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
