i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
