shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
