what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
