you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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