fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
