After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
