Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
